I know it has been a while, seriously I've been wanting to write one since last thursday but I just couldn't find inspiration on what to write because I was just so damn busy!
Okay well I'm still really busy seriously life is on a roll non stop it's like ''LIFE GIVE ME A DAY OFF WHERE I CAN JUST SLEEP AND EAT JUNK FOOD AND WATCH LOVE MOVIES ON NETFLIX!''
But no.
Well at the same time I'm glad because hey I just got my first official contract with Efashionista who is a fashion company who creates fashion events around Canada! So I guess being busy is a good thing.
But again like I said before I wanted to write a blog a while back but had no inspiration.
And now I do.
People now look at me and think I'm fine. That things are pulling together and that everything is turning out how I planned it. It has in a way, of course my fashion photography career is starting to carve and I'm enjoying every second of it, but another part of me is still lost trying to figure out what that one empty space I have in my body is.
I have became a much better person throughout the year and honestly, I'm a changed lady! Yes a real lady, who dresses up, acts older than she is, mature, beautiful... But there's something missing. It's hard to think of it because I have an amazing boyfriend, a caring family, friends who will always be there for me no matter what will happen and honestly I'm so grateful for.
But yet I feel somewhat as if there is something missing.
And now with a lot of thought I figured out finally what's still missing.
Well... missing.. I don't know if that's really the word to define it, really it should be ''what's wrong'' and that is because I can't close the door of my past yet.
As much as I want to, there's always a part of me that thinks of the past and how much I would go back to change so much... But I can't. But seriously if there's a genius out there that wants to make a shit ton of money I highly suggest they create a time capsule where I can go back and change a part of my past.
But then again if that did happen, and I decided to go into my future(AKA now) would it be the same? Maybe... But there are huge chances no.
And quite frankly I love the ''NOW'' part of my life. Even tho I'm a machine working 24hours daily on my career and trying to make it somewhere in life I really like it.
Maybe I just can't close the door yet because something needs to be said or done. But really it's time that heals the past and makes you shut that door. It's just like a long relationship and then all of a sudden it comes to an end. You feel like it's the end of the world but in reality it's the end of a simple chapter in your life. It takes time to heal and it's probably one of the worst pains you could ever have but everyone goes through with it. Just like the past.
So as much I would love to go back and change certain things I can't. I just need some more time to heal and wait for the day where the door fully shuts.
Until then, I have an amazing boyfriend who is there every step of the way as well as amazing friends who will always be there through the good and the bad and I'm so thankful for it.
Life is hard, and we can't keep beating ourselves up for it. We just have to breathe and take one step at a time and see what life gives us. I believe if you keep thinking positive thoughts and you keep yourself some hope, everything will turn out and the sun will shine a path to your happiness, no matter how hard it is.
Enjoy,
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